Nursery mural for my dear friends and their beautiful daughter!
14 day countdown! Every day closer to my C-section brings mixed emotions. Some days I am so overly excited I can hardly contain my nesting instincts. I love to go around the house cleaning and prepping the baby room. This week I finished the baby room mural. Our “theme” will be honey bears and bees. My stepmom is making the bedding with bears and bees on it. (I can’t wait to see how it turns out! She is such a talented quilter!) I decided not to paint bears on the walls as I thought flowers would be something she could enjoy for longer and grow into.
With the joy of finishing the baby room mural come fearful thoughts. What if she doesn’t come home to see the room and I will once again have to shut the door? It took me a long time to even go into that room again as it was going to be the nursery for the twins.
There are times I let my anxieties get the best of me and all I can do is think about the twins and cry. I miss them so much and having to have a C-section again brings back all of those memories. I fear that our little girl will not breathe and will die in our arms.
I am also struggling with thinking about all the visitors we will have. When I think about other people holding our baby girl I can’t help but get this overwhelming feeling that everything is being taken away from me. I can’t explain it….it feels like I can’t breathe. That being said, finding out that I have 2-3 hours with just myself, the baby and Chris after the surgery makes me feel a whole lot better about visitors. I am hoping once she arrives these feeling go away….I don’t know how I will be when she arrives but I hope I am filled with nothing but happiness and love.
I am so uncomfortable and SO over being pregnant. I am ready to meet our little girl. I am ready to hold her and love her. I am ready to change diapers and dress her in cute outfits. I am ready for sleepless nights and first words.